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✒️: “Hear her...” I remember when I was 19 I had a friend I really looked up to. She was a few years older than me and married, and although she was beautiful, bright and charming, she was deeply unhappy in her marriage. She would share through tears about how her relationship wasn’t working out. But despite everything she was still completely in love with him. Like it so often does, damn love made everything so much more confusing and complicated. Finally I asked her why she didn’t just tell him she was unhappy, why she didn’t share the things she was telling me with her husband. Her response has stuck with me for a long time, she said “We can’t talk anymore. We've said too much, we've talked too much. The more we talk, the more confused and unhappy we get.” At the time I didn’t understand what she meant. After a few more years, they eventually divorced. I’m not here to give relationship or marriage advice— although I believe all relationships require intentionality and work. I’m here to talk about why it feels like we can’t communicate anymore. When I was younger I believed communication was everything, but as I’ve gotten older, I’m realizing that if we don’t know how to LISTEN we will never have deep connections with people. When we truly listen, everything changes. It’s not just NOT talking, it’s letting the words someone is saying really impact you. When you really listen, not only will your perception of the other person change, your response to them will change too. Often in conflict, we’re more concerned about getting out our own frustration. And a lot of times we just wait for the other person to stop talking so we can vent our own thoughts making the situation worse. No one is truly listening. When we ask quality questions, that’s where chemistry and deep connection happen. I believe listening is an act of love— it requires patience. If we want to not only maintain a relationship, but a good and healthy one, we really need to learn how to listen. Only when we truly listen will compassion be born inside us. That compassion will start a chain reaction of kindness and understanding that, in turn, will let us feel seen and heard.
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✒️: Noticing Your Love It’s easy to feel busy. After a long day, when we’re finally showered and in bed, instead of sleeping, we lay there feeling exhausted and empty at the same time. I’ve been thinking a lot about being busy— sometimes we are by choice, as a way of numbing and distracting ourselves. Other times it’s just life taking over, but either way, if we don’t bring awareness to all the motion, it can be easy to get lost. Without awareness, busyness can quickly become our autopilot mode and we’ll wonder how we ended up here. I’ve been thinking a lot about this these days, because when people ask me how I am, I’ve been answering with “Busy, but very happy.” And it’s true. I never realized you could be busy and happy at the same time. I’ve been busy loving and spoiling myself. Not in a over-indulging kind of way, but through being intentional. When we make loving and honoring ourselves the core of what we do, it won’t matter how busy we get, we’ll never feel that empty exhaustion we’ve come to know. It starts with asking yourself what YOU want before you do anything. By asking if what you’re doing is really good for you, why? Does it bring you wholeness? Are you truthful? These are the questions we need to ask if we want to learn how to listen to our truth. Sometimes you might not know what you want, and that’s where the work really starts. (Or sometimes you may know but you’re too afraid or feel guilty doing the thing that makes you feel good.) Bringing awareness to TRUE self-love will always lead to massive amounts of work and self-discovery. This journey is a life-long work. It’s not about bringing additional pressure to be more successful, it’s about listening to yourself and your deepest desires. If you keep loving yourself at the core of everything you do, you might be busy, but you’ll feel whole and complete. There will be no more emptiness or numbing yourself, because even if you have to confront some uncomfortable truths along the way, you’re unlocking the key to living the fullest version of life. Keep Meshing 🖤